Bored in NJ...

As I said before, I'm going to keep on updating this blog even after classes ended. I needed someplace to reflect on my thoughts, maybe even post some more artwork, and rant about things about my life and society since no one else really listens to me about those things anyway. It doesn't even matter if no one reads this anymore, but that's okay.

So, this past week of school, I've just been lazy and sleeping all of the time. I need to get out of this mode of staying up all night and then sleeping all day since that is my general habit. I've been trying to apply for schools (even though it's a bit late for that), but it doesn't hurt to try. I also need to get a job, but it's kind of disheartening when for years (yes years, not months) I have been applying for jobs and I either never get a call, or they take one look at me and either tell me that they aren't hiring or that I can't have the job because I have no experience. I'm just applying to stores, or even to my mom's local bagel store (which always has a sign in the front), but I never have gotten anything. In high school, I thought it was the way that I dressed, but I have toned down a bit compared to how I used to dress. I guess that the next time I go into a store asking if they are hiring, I should just go in with jeans and a t-shirt with no makeup on or something. I just don't get it anymore.

On other news, I'm turning 21 on Wednesday. I'm not celebrating it since no one really ever remembers or cares when my birthday comes around. I feel like moving away, far away from everyone and either go to school in another country, or just rent some little house in the middle of nowhere that doesn't cost that much and just stay there until I pass away. I know this sounds depressing, but what can I do when I'm going to be alone on my birthday? Isn't it supposed to happen when you are all alone dying in a nursing home?

So, eventually I'll get around to doing some art this summer. I already gessoed over my other paintings, which I know isn't good, but I can't afford to buy new canvases.

Week 2 Critique Post...

I made a post about last weeks critique (I think on Thursday), so I think it would be wise to also post a response to the critiques from today.

I was actually really happy with the response that everyone had from their projects and the response that I received from mine as well. I don't know if it was because everyone wanted the day to end or because everyone was just really tired from all of the work that they had to do last week, everyone just seemed so much calmer and nicer. I, honestly, am not one of those people that take harsh critiques well, so I was glad that some people at least found my project interesting (especially with Yi Ok and all of the textures!).

As for what I'm going to do with the result of the project, I'm still not sure. My project obviously was not made out of various portraits, or some crazy abstract design (which I think after this project I would have much preferred to do), but either way, I was still happy with both the process and how the overall piece looked. However, after a year of going to SVA, I just do not think that I am fit for art school. I didn't agree with what Cory said about how SVA seems to give too much freedom to the students. I thought though that SVA would have been even more laid back, and I was really disappointed with the fact that we could only focus on drawing people. There is just so much more to this world, and sometimes I wish that I just stayed with taking biology classes... Either way, I think everyone in the class has grown tremendously- not just in their personal artistic style but also with figuring out who they are as people. I remember on our winter break, it seemed like many of us missed each other since we were almost like a family. Since I will not be attending this school next year, I was somewhat sad at the end since I knew that many of these people I would never see again. I could annoy some people on Facebook, and maybe I could lure some people out of their homes during the summer to try to hang out with me, but I know that it won't be the same. I just feel so sad!

So, anyway, here are the pictures to the project as a whole:

(Front cover)(Inside front cover)(Table of Contents)

(House 1)

(House #2)
(Haunted House #3)(Tree house #4)

(Last pages)

(Back Cover)

If I had the time, I would have put these in Photoshop to take off the tile floors, but I'm just so tired! Plus I can't stare at this screen anymore. I'm also wondering how many people are going to still update their blogs. I kinda like my blog, but I think it would be pointless to update this when no one else would read it anymore!

So, after all of this, I hope everyone has a nice summer! If I never see anyone in the class ever again, I hope that everyone has the ability to achieve their dreams, whatever they may be. I will miss all of you!

my plan backfired...

I decided after some thought that I can't do the book in a pop-up form. The floors are just way too flimsy, and I'm afraid that with putting any figures and furniture on it would make it look too weird, so I decided to redo all of the insides. So, now the book will just have flat pages, and hopefully it would look better. I'm still debating whether or not I should set it up the same way in class like I was originally planning, or if it would look better if I just sat down and described each house while flipping through the pages. I really like the trees I made though, but I don't think it would look cohesive with the flat pages, and I'm not even sure now if the book will even be able to stay open.

Any opinions?

I'll most likely post some pictures tomorrow, but I'm starting to wonder if I really should since it seems like I post too much....oh well.

*Edit*.....
I completely forgot about something! Yesterday morning when I was at the bus stop with all of the paintings that were needed for yesterday's critique, this random guy came up to me and asked me if I would like to show some of my paintings for this organization for local artists in north Hudson county. He gave me their website so I could contact them, and I definitely think that I would send them some pictures of some of my work. It doesn't hurt to try! Plus, since it's a local thing, I won't have to deal with all of the art snobs in Manhattan... or at least for the moment.

we were supposed to update this thing for class, right?

Self Portrait by Sofonisba Anguissola

It's really early in the morning...
I actually got done with my paper around 3am, which is so unlike me when it comes to writing papers. I was just kind of worried that there wasn't going to be enough info on Sofonisba Anguissola when I actually took the time to research her, but it only took me about 3 hours to write the whole paper. I'm a fast typer, but a 6 page paper isn't that long. Maybe I should be a writer. Our painting teacher actually suggested me to send in something to that writing thing that the school has, but I really didn't have anything to give them. Plus, I'm not going to this school next year, and my writing is completely crap to a "real" college student. Anyways, I wound up staying up anyhow since I wanted to wake up early to pick up my painting before our 9am class. I have so much caffeine in me I'm starting to shake. The joys of being a college student!

Anyhow, we were supposed to update our blogs reflecting on the semester and other things, but I was stupid enough not to write down what we were supposed to discuss! So, I'll just ramble on about absolutely nothing like I usually do.

I thought that overall, this semester was much better than the last. In this class, along with our painting class, we were allowed to do more of our own thing, and even draw or paint in more of our own styles. Last semester, I was really unhappy since it seemed like I was being pushed too hard to do more realistic styles, when I have no ability to do so. Even if I had that skill, I really do not enjoy art that is too realistic or art that completely copies what that person sees. It might help with practicing your skills, but I know people that only copy what they see without having any meaning behind their work. Either way, my "skill" (or lack of it) has grown a lot this year, and it was really great to see how other people's styles developed as well.

The critique on Monday somewhat disappointed me, but I really do not want to express my views on here. All I want to say is that I'm just really scared to go next Monday, but it will be the last day of class, so I won't be worrying as much. I just don't understand why there is so much concern over every little detail of someone else's project, when everyone's project is not going to be perfect or the way that they originally planned. It seems that everyone in the class has a distinct artistic style of their own, and if they want to develop it in a certain way then that should be their decision and not someone else's. It really bothers me how that even though that we go to an art school, we are still pushed to develop our techniques all in the same way. Or, how about the fact that we have to go to the Met for almost every class, and study styles of art that are not only hundreds of years old but are also only by white and male artists? There are obviously more modern and diverse artists out there that we could be studying, but for some reason we don't. Also, there are African and Oceania sections in the Met, but they are strictly artifacts rather than actual art made by contemporary people. It almost makes it give the impression that people in Africa, South America, Oceania, and Asia have not made any art at all in thousands of years. But who really cares about this topic? Let's just all remain ignorant and happy because ignorance is bliss, right?

Maybe it was a mistake to come to this school. Learned a little bit, met *some* nice people that I may continue to bother after this year ends, but I'm still leaving with a huge debt and disappointment for the future of the art world and my generation (at least the ones that are coming to New York City). I'll just continue with making weird mixed media things, maybe even work some more with dirt (come on, it was fun....). I would also like to combine some more sociological aspects through art as well, since there just seems to be too many people that could care less about this or any problems in the world. Someone has to think about these things. I don't know if I would ever be able to actually do anything to fix any of the problems in the world, but I would like to! Don't know how, but I have many years to think and to eventually do something.

So, I have to "get up" soon and get ready for class. There was something on the news saying that the PATH train isn't working for some reason, but I couldn't hear it since the volume was too low and I didn't want to wake someone up. I was going to take the PATH train home to take bring home that huge painting...FUN WEEK ISN'T EVERYONE????

Nick Blinko and Outsider art

I decided to take a break from fixing my paintings for the final critique on Friday (the fumes giving me a headache), so I decided to post about "outsider art".

Outsider art is usually made by people who have not had any formal training in art and are usually hospitalized due to psychiatric problems. Much of the artwork usually is incredibly detailed and fantastical. It's a really hard topic to describe since many of these people were cutoff from the rest of the world, so their influences and styles were out of the ordinary.

Nick Blinko, the lead singer for the anarcho-punk band Rudimentary Peni, is also and outsider artist. In the past, he has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and creates his artwork while not on medication. All of the band's albums contain his artwork as well. The music is also definitely as weird as his art...

If you just google Nick Blinko, you can find much more of his art. It's really...crazy...no pun intended...

I'll be posting some more during the weekend. This week just has been hard for everyone. Everyone is cranky, upset, or sick about something. So, now I have to finish this painting...then stay up to write my paper. Yay...

Eh

from Njordfoto

Just spent over an hour talking to my uncle on AIM. It's really funny how whenever I get confused about life, or if I'm having trouble with something, he just randomly comes on and asks what's new. He was up late tonight because he works for this email company which deals with other big companies emails (like AOL) so he gets over a thousand emails a day about random crap which he doesn't care about, and so he was getting an email from a company at 12:30 tonight. He hates his job, but loves everything else in his life, and he still wishes that he could have taken a different route instead. Him and his wife don't have any children, so he tries to offer his nephews and nieces some advice once in awhile. My one female cousin, Sarah, who just turned 18, also just got married and has been pregnant twice. Her brother was always pushed to be good in school, and is now already a second year Pre-Med student. Our other cousin is too little to figure out what he wants to do, but in ten years he'll already have to decide. I already chose the more academic approach to schooling, and am now obviously in art school, but I'm stuck in a situation that I don't want to be in. I'm not going to say I hate my life, but I'm not happy at all. This is not where I want to be, but I feel stuck. I told my uncle this, and he then thought that I was crazy since I'm only going to be 21 in about 17 days or so. He is going to be 46 and his birthday is three days after mine, but he wished that he stayed on the artistic route he was on years ago (he used to be a musician, even came to NYC for that and had a whopping one room apartment a few blocks from Central Park, but settled down and became a corporate man and is now working on Park Avenue). He just told me to not give up, think of all of the options I may have, and just do it. It's just really hard when you want to do so many things and there are so many other things (and people) who are holding you back.

First, I need to move out of this apartment, but I have no place to go and no money. Fun fun fun....

Today at the park...

Our class went to Central Park today, even though some people were apparently unenthusiastic about it. I really couldn't wait to go since until I moved to New Jersey, I used to go to parks all the time by myself. As Bo Ae put it, "Bayside is just full of parks!" Anyhow, we weren't allowed to sit next to anyone today, which I completely forgot at first. Once we left to go find our own spots, I first followed Michael, and then I saw Ali lagging behind all by herself. Michael had to go to the bathroom, and he didn't want us to wait for him, so Ali and I walked to try to find something interesting. We walked past the baseball field, then past all the screaming kids on the carousel, and then saw a statue of Shakespeare (I think this area is called "Literary Way"). We soon stopped in front of a weird tree that had all of these knots and bumps on it. We sat down where it was quiet, and she drew another tree. After a few minutes, I got bored, and I thought I saw a few people walking by themselves (we saw Christina earlier, and I could have sworn I saw Henry walking by the other side, but who knows), so eventually I told her that I was going to see her later so I could try to get lost...

(Trees, left big tree was the weird one)

So, according to the map that I'm now looking at, I wound up somewhere past The Lake and into "The Ramble" area. No wonder Danielle couldn't find me! I've been to that area before, and usually there aren't many people in that area. Most of the people that were in that area were either bird watchers, lonely people, hikers, and some bicyclists. Some of the paths are just dirt and not cement, which added to the whole atmosphere of being (somewhat) alone in the woods, even though we were still in the middle of a big city. After doing some gesture sketches of squirrels (which didn't photograph well), I then moved closer to the lake area since I felt a little too alone (wearing a short skirt when there are only men around would kinda make a person uneasy, right?). So then, I sat on this rock that had a bunch of other larger rocks around it (which seems to be a big thing in Central Park), and so I started to sketch that area since it seemed interesting. (I don't get what goes through my head either sometimes...)

There were a few other people that walked by, but most either seemed like they were set on a destination or were walking with other people, so most of them weren't taking in the whole environment. When you are with someone else, you usually wouldn't notice the different sounds of the birds, or the brown-nosed squirrel that wants someone's attention, or that creepy guy that just walked by ten minutes ago and is back again only to sit on the rock next to yours and wants to stare at you for about 20 minutes without you noticing even though you were just talking to a random Mourning Dove? Yeah...So, while I was drawing, I noticed this one old lady that looked pretty sad, and she was just standing by a tree feeding the birds. I wouldn't have noticed her if I was there talking to a friend or just walking by, and I also wouldn't have noticed that when she was done with the bird food, she stood by another tree to get a smaller bird to climb onto her hand. A few minutes before she came, I was trying to do the same thing with a squirrel since it wanted a piece of my sandwich, but it evidently didn't like the bread that I had and preceded to get some more food out of me. The pigeons instead ate the bread, and they were really fat ones, too. I, however, didn't feel so alone when I saw the older lady, and it was possibly the only thing that could make her have some happiness and escape from the rest of the world. A few more minutes passed by, and I tried to do some sketches of the birds that were flying around. Pigeons are easy to sketch since they just walk around humans all the time and are generally lazy compared to the other birds that are more shy and fly away whenever someone moves. I saw the usual birds- pigeons, sparrows, starlings, and fat robins. Then I saw a blue jay, a male and female cardinal, mourning doves, and even some woodpeckers. Eventually, I saw some other birds that I had no idea whatsoever what they were since I have never seen them in my life. There was also one that was kind of greenish, but it was probably someone's lost parakeet... I was then aiming to do about 30 gesture drawings of them, but then I noticed that guy that came back and was staring right at me. It just ruined the whole mood and brought me back to humanity instantly. If he tried to do anything, what could I do- hit him with my sketch pad, stab him with a calligraphy pen?

It was about 3:30 anyhow, so I started walking back so I could try to find a place closer to do at least one more drawing. I walked around the lake again, bored still, but then I saw some pretty trees budding with flowers. I feel bad picking things off of trees for some reason (not sure of they have feeeeelings, but who knows), and I also didn't know if I was even allowed to do that since they had a fence around them. So, I picked some petals off of the ground, and walked some more. Further down, I saw some more trees blooming, so I took some more flowers, and I sat down on a secluded rock where there weren't any screaming kids. A few minutes later, this happened :

There were a few people that walked by with their dogs, and they probably thought that I was crazy. A girl dressed in black gluing random things on a piece of paper in the park isn't exactly normal. I then thought what else I could do... (There were so many dead leaves everywhere, so why not...a tree with dead leaves...)

I then thought what could be weirder, and something that someone else might not do. With only a few minutes left until I wanted to walk back, I thought that I could glue some dirt on the paper. At that time, some family was yelling for their kid that was running away, and then these other parents brought their kid around to annoy me. I don't understand why you would let your kid run around someone when they are in the middle of doing something (this also happened to me when I was drawing the birds). This time though, the mom saw me sprinkling some dirt around the page, and so once again, I guess me being dressed in black doesn't really help with the weirdness of the scenario.(for some reason, it didn't dry in the middle, and i'm getting other ideas for dirt in art...hmm...)

So, after I was done gluing, I was going to wait a bit to let it dry, but people were getting annoying, and so I walked back to our meet up place. No one else was there, but eventually I spotted Bo Ae. We walked back to the spot, and a few other people showed up. We then left early after we showed Danielle our drawings, but I didn't want to go because I had to either go to Port Authority and wait on a huge line during rush hour (which is oh so much fun even with a thin portfolio), or take a longer trek and spend more money for the PATH train. I took that PATH, but then there was some weird businessman looking at me maybe wondering why I had dirt on my shoes, it made me wish that I was back in the park with the birds and squirrels. It's probably illegal to have a pet squirrel, right? Hmm....

Attack of the Nerds...

I'm in my little room (the spare "bedroom" that we have, which really can't even fit a small twin size bed), and I'm just here looking at different videos on Youtube. I can be doing other things, but it's a lazy Sunday evening, and my boyfriend is in the living room playing Call of Duty 4 on his new XBOX. I counted all of his war games, and he has about 20 of them. I'm wondering if this is really normal or if it's just because his dad was a Vietnam veteran... Either way, my boyfriend has off next week since it's his spring vacation (he's a 3rd and 4th grade teacher in the Bronx), so I'll probably be stuck in here after class everyday trying to do my homework while he sits on his ass playing that game. Oh yeah, and he also has a headset with it so he can harass people while trying to kill them at the same time. He is also happy because he gets to destroy one of my ex- boyfriend's places of birth (Azerbaijan) in the game. Is it weird that the entire game is set in the Middle-East, or is it just me? And they say that our society isn't violent...yeah right...

So, I feel like adding some music videos of some of my favorite bands, and I'm pretty sure that no one in the class has heard of them (for example, it doesn't seem like anyone knows of Sopor Aeternus, the transsexual German Neoclassical Darkwave artist and her band?)

1. Unto Ashes- Palästinalied

A "paganfolk" band that I chose to do the CD project on for our Visual Computing class. Many groups have covered this song, and it was originally written by a German poet during the first crusades. Most modern musicians who cover this leave out the last portion of the song since it states that Christians eventually take over "the Holy Land" since they are the "chosen ones". Pretty song anyhow.

2. Dead Can Dance-Frontier

Absolutely my favorite band. They broke up a few years ago since the male singer decided to move to Ireland after buying an old church, and she stayed behind in Australia. They both still make their own music, but she is definitely the better singer. Some of their songs are in English, while others are either in made up languages or languages that the song was inspired by. I'm not really sure what this version of the song is in, but the original is in English.

3. Gjallarhorn- Suvetar (Goddess of Spring)

Finnish band that sings in Swedish. A very beautiful song and video, I actually saw this video first on a World Music show on LinkTV.

4. Sopor Aeternus- Hades (Pluton)

Obviously, not the actual video, but my favorite song by her. Apparently, she is so depressed that she never performs live, yet she has been playing music since the 80's. So....yeah...

Here you can see the actual singer. I showed this to Brittany once during our computing class, and it kinda freaked her out. There's nothing wrong with a transsexual trying to be a sprite in the woods...

5. And last but not least, a group that some people know of: Cocorosie- Live performance of Black Poppies/Black Rainbow

Two very strange sisters, one lives in Paris while the other one, I think, still lives in Brooklyn. Their music keeps on getting better and better, also weirder...

There are many other bands and musicians I listen to, but this is just what I'm in the mood for today. And I listen to happier music, I swear. I also just realized that all of these videos feature female (or female- identified) singers...oops.

Some crappy pictures of some actual work

So, after some struggle with my camera, I managed to try to upload some pictures. None of these pictures show the finished product- I still have to add the details of the interior decoration for each house, draw out the furniture, and finish the people.

Top of the house, completely opened. I'm going add some more details so it actually looks like the roofs of the houses. It's also about 20 inches high by about 28 inches wide/diameter.

Walls of the first house. It actually looks a lot paler in person, and the paper clip is only there to hold the house open until I attach the book covers. I also cut out the door so it seems that the first two houses are connected in some way. There are also stairs for this house, but I took it off when I was trying to set this up, and I forgot to put it back on.

Interior of the second house. The door is closed, and I also made a wall that detaches to make the bedroom smaller. Adding other elements later on would obviously make this look more like a house, rather than just a weird stained piece of paper...Third house. The leopard print is just a blanket to cover up the tiles of my actual floor... Looks darker in person, and that weird tan thing on the first floor will eventually be the stairs. You can't really see, but I just have a window cut out on the second floor so you can peep into the fourth house (since in my mind, those two worlds are connected).

4th house- this will be a little different since the first floor is a tree and the second floor is the main floor. You can see the window a bit here. Also part of the attic floor (I only put an attic here to make a connection with the rest of the houses since most tree houses wouldn't have an attic...).
This is the dedication/statement and table of contents page that I never put on here yet. When I'm done with the house, I'll type out everything that I wrote on here so everyone could at least understand why I did each house.
That's it for now. My plan for the next two weeks is to finish the interior this week, and then finish the people and put together the entire house during the last week. I hope I don't wind up losing the rest of my sanity over this, especially since my camera keeps on eating up every battery I put in it whenever I try uploading something on here.

So yeah, it's late, and now I have to stay up and try to fix my website for our Visual Computing class since my teacher is making me red0 it because she didn't like it. I just don't know anymore... Oh yeah, and I have to write a paper on Sofonisba Anguissola, which there is almost no information on. Yay again. I guess it's what I get for pushing myself too far past my limit.

I see your truuuuuuuue cooooooloooors...very early morning post...

If everything goes as planned (or more like if I don't pass out after painting class tomorrow night) there might be a 90% chance that I'll be posting my actual work tomorrow night, along with all of the other stuff from the last critique as well.

So, since I was in a happy mood today, I was looking up some Cyndi Lauper music (yeah I'm a nerd...). But anyway, I found a video where she won an award from the HRC (Humans Rights Campaign) back in 2005. She was introduced by the two female singers from the B-52's (Cindy Wilson and Kate Pierson). In her acceptance speech, she talks about how so many people have problems with being "different", and sometimes people do stupid things (such as committing suicide) because so many people have hurt them because of their differences. She then ended her speech with singing her song "True Colors" which she has used to help promote gay rights with HRC. The video really brought me to tears since I almost lost one of my best friends in high school since he realized how hard it might be to come out as being gay. He is probably one of the most sweetest and peaceful people in the world, and even though this happened almost four years ago, I still cannot believe that he would think that he would not be accepted and loved this way. Our high school in itself was nicknamed "Gayside" since there was such a huge gay population already, and there were many people who were part of GSA (the Gay/Straight Alliance). I haven't seen my friend in awhile now, but the last time I saw him he seemed really happy for once!

So, here is the vid to when she gets the award. Her Queens accent is almost as thick as Fran Drescher's, but not as nasally! My accent disappeared, but you should hear my Grandma...

Reason #367 of why it sucks being a commuter student...

....and reason #145,345,139 of why it sucks having a boyfriend that SNORES...

I wound up oversleeping for class today. Actually, I woke up at 8:30, and even if I left the house with my pajamas on, I wouldn't have made it since class was at 9 and it would have taken me longer than that to get there.

I guess it was good that I overslept since our class has so much to do for all of our classes (one term paper-two for some people-, our final painting, our drawing project, and then finish our website). We have to do all of this in TWO WEEKS- How fun!!!!!

Yeah, not really...I might upload some pictures later....maybe...

Also, on top of this apparently I still owe SVA about $4000. A month ago, I got a bill stating that I only owed about a $1,000, and now I owe more? I'm so confused...and since no one in this school actually is helping me with this, I'm starting to get sick of it all and I just want to leave this school. I'll be stuck with a huge loan to pay, so I'm stuck. Which is strange in itself since the other college I went to cost twice as much, the books cost more than the art supplies in total, and yet I owe that school NOTHING.

So besides all of this crap, my mom has been going to a lot of concerts lately (her boyfriend broke up with her a few weeks ago, so she has been doing things to make her happy). Soooo, my mom wants to go see the B-52's and Cyndi Lauper at Jones Beach in June. My mom used to see the B-52's at CBGB's when she was my age, so I guess it will be a bonding experience or something with my mom...



Happy Spring/Summer music! B-52's Rock Lobster

Since I'm up...

Danielle emailed me about two weeks ago (I'm sorry I never got back to you!), and she told me to look up another artist. She suggested Elaine Kaufmann (who was originally on the recommend artist list), and I was going to write about her work before. That entry was just way too long...

From her "International Design" drawings:
In these drawings, she took articles about home design and replaced the images with drawings from the homes of developing countries. By doing this she was allowed to show the extremities between more wealthy countries compared to third world countries. With the "Distinctive Bathroom" drawing, you can see how they try to make it seem that anyone can have the "exotic" appeal through a "do-it-yourself" project, yet the people who actually have this as a toilet out of necessity.

Also found on Elaine Kaufmann's website. The Brainstormers...

Hmmm....I wonder which one is Danielle....
and also their "Weather Report". It's kinda funny!

1AM ramblings...

"Class is rarely talked about in the United States; nowhere is there a more intense silence about the reality of class differences than in educational settings."
-bell hooks

I wrote this on one of the 40 drawings that we had to make earlier in the semester. I do believe that this is a really big problem, especially in art school, since so many people just do not realize that people come from various economic backgrounds. As seen with our painting class, it's expected for us to buy new materials almost every other week, and if we don't have enough money to even get to school or to eat, then "too bad". If you do happen to talk about it, even to supposed "liberal" students, then they usually just roll their eyes or talk about their problems, which just show that they really do not understand your position whatsoever. Then, the only option, as seen with other political discussions which tend to flare up once in awhile, is to force yourself to be quiet and pretend that you are just as ignorant as they are.

So, what are you really supposed to do if someone deeply offends you? Just pretend that nothing is wrong? How can you talk to someone that doesn't have any first hand experience with a certain situation, or only know about the problem through history textbooks or by television/movies?

These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night. Sometimes I feel like it shouldn't be my responsibility to deal with these things, but someone has to think about them. I'm sick of people telling me that I'm an unhappy person because I actually give a shit about people that are outside of my circle of friends.

ich bin mude...

I chose to translate this song for my German class a few years ago. It was a nightmare...



I can't remember most of the German I learned, so I had to look up the lyrics. They may not make any sense, but it happens when you translate things...
I dream that I meet you deep under
the deepest place of the Earth, Atlantic trench, seafloor

Between Nanga Parbat, K2 and Everest,
the roof of the world, there I'll give you a celebration
Where I can no longer see forward
If you come, I'll see you come from the edge of the world

There is nothing interesting here
Just the ruins of Atlantis

But no sign of you
I believe you come no more

We have passed each other in dream

You dream of me, I of you
Don't worry, I won't wake you
Before you wake yourself

Over the ice, directly to the North Pole, that's where I'll wait
I'll stay on the world's axis

From the Pacific Rim in hard dream-work to the Pole
will I hurry and wait again

The north star is directly over me

This is the pole, I was here
Only you can search far and wide until we see each other

I was at the wrong pole

We have passed each other in dream

You dream of me, I of you
Don't worry, I'll find you
Before you wake yourself

Please, please don't wake me
As long as I dream, you exist...

You dream of me, I of you
Don't worry, I won't wake you
Before you wake yourself

Let me sleep the year away on a ship
Course: El Dorado, Punt, that is your home town
I was on the coast, searching the horizon
until I finally see you, I'll sail there

But the captain is drunk
and mostly under the deck
Even in dream, I can't steer the ship
The clipper hits something, we take on water
We sink in the North Sea
An iceberg drives us down

I believe I am stranded
Punt remains unexplored

We have passed each other in dream

You dream of me, I of you
Don't worry, I won't wake you up
Before you wake yourself
You dream of me, I of you
Don't worry I'll find you
Halfway through this dream, I'll sieze you
and draw you to me
then you'll dream of me, I of you
I dream of you, you of me
We dream of each other until we wake

Uh...

Well, I'm up doing some more research for our city project in our painting class. I know a few people are really unhappy and bored with the project since he didn't really give us any guidelines for it. Some of our topics range from pigeons to gentrification, skylines to just a few specific buildings and people. Either way, my two thumbs up guy that some people found amusing is looking a lot like a burn victim, and many people have been pointing out that the NYC map isn't really looking like anything (I really got the point when a guy at the bus stop thought that it was a very beautiful abstract piece...).

So, besides that, I've been looking up some more stuff on gentrification. Michael kept on pointing out that I included a small section of New Jersey, and was really annoyed by it. I know that New Jersey is a separate state, but gentrification is happening over here (and all over the country for that matter) as well. I've been reading a few news articles within the last year about people calling Jersey City the "6th borough" (which is amusing in itself not only because it is a separate city but also because most people can't even name the actual 5 boroughs), and there has also been new developments and other odd things happening where I live as well. Union City, being so close to Manhattan and being relatively cheap has caught the eye of over 30 developers, and they are already planning to build some pretty ugly condos. Also, they are calling the area closer to Hoboken, "West Hoboken". West Hoboken became Union City in 1925. Does this sound familiar? Realtors renamed the eastern part of Williamsburg "East Williamsburg" so it was separate from the more "hip" and whiter areas. They are also renaming some parts of Harlem the original names before the Harlem Renaissance, and other areas throughout the NYC are going through the same problem (like SoBro-who came up with that?). I can already see Celia Cruz Park (and the shrine that they have of her on Bergenline Avenue a few blocks from my apartment) demolished and renamed for some white general from some war (or how about Britney Spears Park?), and the statue that they have a few more blocks away of the soldiers that were killed in the Spanish-American War replaced by something else as well.

Anyway, is this just the most ugly thing you have ever seen? I see them building this thing everyday, and it just looks so out of place. It might look better in Manhattan, so it seems like they might be developing more of these types of buildings here in the next decade or so.
Honestly, even though I've been made fun of by a few people at SVA for currently living in New Jersey, I actually like Union City. My boyfriend refused to move to Queens, so I had to move over here instead. It still sucks having your mom nag you ever few days about why you never visit her and your cat that supposedly misses you because it takes TWO HOURS (a bus to Port Authority, the whole 7 train line, and the Q28 bus) just to get to her house. In that time, my boyfriend can fly almost halfway to Puerto Rico to visit his mom. I know you have to make sacrifices for the person you supposedly love..but blah blah blah. Some people in our class know what's been happening with that situation...

So, I'll leave you with that, and the fact that I now have to go to sleep next to my snoring boyfriend that likes to take up the entire bed. Times like this make me wish for my crazy cat back.
(she likes to sleep in the weirdest places)

Now I'm even more confused than ever before...

Enigma-"The Eyes of Truth"

We went to visit some artist's studios in Brooklyn yesterday, and I kinda had a mixed reaction from it. I came away from it being somewhat inspired, yet deeply disappointed at the same time. It was nice to see how other people work, or what some of us might possibly doing in our lives further down the road, and we even met a poodle mix that absolutely loved Cory. It was also fun to go to a different part of Brooklyn where I have never been before and to see how people really are outside of class- most people are just so tired during the week that they just seem miserable, so it was nice to see people at least somewhat happy for once!

I was a little discouraged of the fact that there seems to be a set way of doing things if you are an artist in NYC, which is extremely strange for me since you would think that it's really not this way at all. I still don't know what to do with my life, and I honestly have too many interests to just settle for one thing (for instance, I already changed my major three times- I went from a Pre- Dentistry/Biology major, to a History/Sociology major, and now to a Fine Arts major). I'm also really concerned about there being absolutely no intellectual side to this field at all, or at least at SVA it comes off that way. I would like the work that I do to reflect what I'm thinking, or to have a certain message, or to maybe even help people, but it seems like that is not what people are concerned about anymore. I really don't get the point of doing thousands of still lifes or figure drawings just for the hell of it, and it's starting to seem that I'm wasting my money on doing things that have no point to it at all. At least our painting teacher has realized that I have a lot to say due to the fact that I wrote a 5 page statement for our Identity project when other people just wrote a small paragraph. I might have problems with our city project (which we are doing now) since I'm basing it on gentrification, and I could probably easily write a book on that. I'll keep it short for his sake though...

So, at the end of the day, I just got home really confused. Patrick and I were discussing things between studios, and also earlier during previous classes, and we are just both so confused about what to do with our lives. We talked to Danielle a bit, and the thing that came out of the discussion was "What else would we be doing if we weren't doing art?". It seemed to have solved a big chunk of the problem for Patrick, but it just left me wondering about all of the things I could have been doing now. Would a diploma in dentistry hanging on my wall would really leave me satisfied, but would I have gotten any appointments while dressed all in black and having bright neon red hair color (or whatever color hair I had at the moment). Would I have been completely bored studying random parts of history, or could I have helped people with a sociology degree? I could always study those things outside of class, but I just hope that I'm making the right decision by staying at SVA. I'll always have that nagging thought on the back of my mind that maybe I was destined to be involved with something else. At the same time, maybe I shouldn't just settle on one thing, and this might be better in case if something doesn't work out the way that I thought.

I'll just wind up going crazy from all of these thoughts. I'll just become a crazy cat lady and paint portraits of my cats...

HW Hw hw....

For some reason, I was really excited to find out that we were going to be given some artists that would relate to our work. I always like to look for more inspiration since sometimes I get stuck on a particular way of doing things, and I always like to look for other alternatives to create something. I already was looking at some of the artists that were suggested since I was looking at the website for the Brooklyn Museum (they opened the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist art there last year and they have an alphabetical listing of the artists and some of their work on their website).

One of the artists I was looking at was Ghada Amer (whom Brittany didn't like). Ghada Amer is an Egyptian multimedia artist who uses embroidery to depict female sexuality. Since she is Muslim, she also deals with how Islam affects woman as well. She has had a hard time showing her art in more conservative settings, and her work is considered extremely controversial in Muslim communities. Many people have problems with female sexuality- for example it's usually considered normal for a man to be sexual, but if a woman talks about it she can be called a "whore" or "easy". The same goes with how many woman want to "save themselves" for the person they are going to marry, yet men can brag about how many women they slept with before the marriage.

I really like her work since she does embroidery, and she is taking a traditional hobby associated with femininity to display a message that many women can relate to. However, one article on her mentioned that it could take up to three months just working on one piece, and that would just drive me nuts. I also liked how delicate her pieces looked, but while looking at them online, it was usually hard to see what each painting consisted of. The work that she does might be what I would like to do on my own, but without being so sexual. For some reason, I don't like overtly sexual things. Maybe because in American culture, sex is almost everywhere but like I said before, it's usually just one sided. I still find her really inspirational since this is the type of art that I'm usually afraid to do but would like to do more of. I usually hate confrontations, so I try to keep political discussions to a minimum. Most people I know either could care less about the world and politics, while others are really conservative. You would think that if we attend a school in a supposed liberal city, most people would have liberal views, but it's not the case in most situations. Since we have been given more freedom in both our painting and drawing classes to experiment and to do art that we like to do, I've started to show a little bit of my views, but I've still held back a lot. This can be seen with our city project in painting class when I said that I was going to base it on the gentrification that has been happening in various cities around the country. I didn't really say anything, but the discussion that occurred kind of resulted in a few hurt feelings in some people. I already know that I can't satisfy everyone, but I'm not the type of person that just goes "oh well".

So anyway...another person that I admire is Judy Chicago. She wasn't on the list, but her "Womanhouse" was. The "Womanhouse" was a Hollywood mansion that was rented by both Judy Chicago and Miriam Schapiro to display various aspects of the female life in each room of the house. Each female artist was given a different room for their art whether it was just a display or a performance. Only women were allowed to come on the first day, which Chicago said had the greatest response to her work. This also reminds me of when I went to the Brooklyn Museum when the Sackler center opened- mostly women were only on that floor, with the occasional husband or boyfriend. Most women were alone or with friends (or maybe even girlfriends and wives) while on the next floor was where many of the men were. I thought it was very strange since not all of the work had to deal with just women, and everyone could have walked away learning something. (Chicago and Shapiro in front of the house when it opened)

(crocheted environment Womb Room) (oddly the only image I can find on Judy Chicago's Menstruation Bathroom- the whole place was just overflowing with "female products"- tampons, pads and even fake blood- I saw the full image during my art history class in the other college I attended)
(sheet closet)

Obviously, this relates to the project that I'm doing since I'm also doing a house, but I'm not solely focusing on sexism. Also, only half of the house will relate to politics and real problems in our world, while the other half is intentionally going to represent a more fantastical side.

And because I want to, here are some pics of Judy Chicago's Dinner Party:
Each setting represents various mythical and historical woman which is now permanently installed in the Brooklyn Museum. Each wing (or side of the table) represents a different time part of history- the first has place settings for various goddesses until Greek and Roman societies, the second wing represents various women present throughout early Christianity to the Protestant Reformation, and the third wing represents women that were involved with the American Revolution, to Suffragists, and various artists. The floor of the installation also has tiles that have the names of 999 influential women throughout history as well. You can see all of the installation online here.
(the setting for Emily Dickinson- each setting contains the same elements, but have various designs- I just love how the plate/vagina just looks so....frilly and feminine)
(setting for Sojourner Truth, shows how each one has a different style to reflect the woman being honored)

I know we were only supposed to choose one artist and put one image....but....I just can't. So I continue with....
Faith Ringgold- born and raised in Harlem, created the Anyone Can Fly Foundation to promote art for African Americans and children. She is very inspirational to me because she has actually done something to help a problem that I have noticed in the art world- most artists that we know of are always male and white. Most art that we see in museums usually cover the same thing, while they only have artifacts from other cultures around the world-such as African jewelry and Incan bowls, but it is extremely rare to have a modern African, Hispanic, Asian artist etc displayed in a museum. Even though her art has been displayed in various museums in NYC, it is very strange that even though our city is so diverse, we have to focus primarily on European and white American art. Why do we have to be given only these options, especially in art school, for inspiration? I find it very odd and disheartening.(one of her painting quilts- the Flag is Bleeding #2)


(Subway Grafitti #3-depicts the diversity of NYC, yet it's slowly disappearing. of course, ironically, the people that don't see what is happening and don't care are white. i don't understand why someone would come here to get away from the area they are from yet hate the way that this city really is like. if you don't like it, then why come here and destroy everything just to make it so other people who aren't from here are comfortable? i have to stop rambling about this...i can probably write a whole book about it...another project added to the lengthy list in the back of my head...)

You can see more of her art here. I really like that she uses different mediums, and she does various "painted quilts". I used to want to do a quilt (I know I'm really a grandma in disguise), but I would like various people to help me with it, but most people don't have the time to do those things anymore (but I have plans...one of those things that I will keep in the back of my head). She also does work on historical events, various scenes of city life, and even children's books. (The Black Light Series:The American Spectrum) (We Came to America)

That's it for now- my hand feels like it's going to fall off....and now I'm just overwhelmed with all of these ideas.